Becoming an effective leader

Supporting Skills to Become an Effective Leader

Conflict Management

The 5 stages of conflict


1 Discussion

  • This is when both people are interested in the other’s view and are prepared to share ideas, opinions and feelings. This stage is simply the meeting of minds with no intention to get the other person to think or feel anything different.

Characteristics include:

  • Respect for each other’s viewpoint

  • Acceptance of the other’s values

  • Broadening of perspectives


2 Debate

  • This is when there are different viewpoints and I would like you to see things my way but consensus is important.

Characteristics include:

  • Openness to your ideas

  • Respect for your viewpoint

  • Give and take is still possible


3 Argument

  • I want you to ‘buy’ my ideas, regardless of what you may be thinking. I am ‘right’ and you are ‘wrong’. You should be doing it my way.

Characteristics include:

  • Disregard for other’s viewpoint

  • Arguing from own perspective only

  • Polarisation

  • Lots of ‘yes buts …’


4 Conflict

  • Not only do I believe I am ‘right’ and you are ‘wrong’ but I insist you do it my way and that you act according to my values and beliefs.

Characteristics include:

  • Demands that you behave, as I want

  • Highly personalised arguments

  • Lots of ‘shoulds’

  • Blame, accusation, put-downs


5 Breakdown

  • The dynamic is now so painful that I need to protect myself or recover. I act as if you don’t exist.

Characteristics include:

  • Silence

  • ‘Cold war’

  • Disdain

  • Disregard

4 Goals to achieve

Goal 1 – to listen and understand


Goal 2 – to explain what you think


Goal 3 – to find a way we can come together


Goal 4 – to commit to the decision

Make sure you:

1.Don’t avoid it

2.Make time for regular discussion

3.Do avoid being defensive

4.Don’t over generalise

5.Listen and understand their side

6.You don’t have to ‘win’

7.Thinks solutions

8.Keep communication open

Basic steps to follow

First understand, then be understood




Precis, List and prioritise

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